If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Think: the partner on their back during missionary. A person may also identify as a bottom to not only describe their sexual preference, usually one who receives penetration, but to indicate their social role and sexual identity.
A partner pins your arms behind your back during doggy. Or pulls your hair during missionary. Or spits in your mouth. Or spanks your bum. So long as all partners consent and enjoy these moments, this is A-OK, says Callie Little , a sex and relationships educator and writer.
A scene might entail one partner spanking another 10 times, at increasing intensity with the goal of getting to a 7—10 on the pain scale. Or it may be much more elaborate.
Maybe the scene starts with wax play, moves onto nipple torture, and ends with orgasm denial. Or maybe it involves an extended flogging. The types of physical sensations we enjoy change — as we age, as our hormones change, as our comfort levels with our partners, playmates, and selves evolve. Think about what turns you on. If you remember one thing from this article, make it this: All play — kinky or otherwise! A safe word is something either partner can use to signal when a mental, physical, or emotional boundary is approaching or has been crossed.
Because every scene should be negotiated ahead of time, you can update and revisit your lists every time you play. Yes, this is vulnerable, but in order for your partner to understand what you want to try, you need to tell them!
What is it exactly about this fantasy that turns you on? Is it that you want to feel powerless? The answers to these questions will give you clues on other ways you and your partner may invoke the fantasy, without either of you having to step outside your comfort zone.
Are they nervous about possible gender dysphoria when wearing a strap-on? Start with these:. That's also a way to exert your dominance.
Hair pulling, if done right, can be sexy, controlling, and not painful at all, explains Katarina. From there, make a first. I am so caught up in you. I need piles of you. Don't be afraid of dirty talk! Head here! You can tie up your partner if they're down for that, but you don't necessarily need to take it that far to assert your dominance.
We don't mean this in the context of consent—you should always ask for that. It's the perfect chance to tell your partner how hot you thought that scene was and start a conversation about how you might incorporate it into your own activities. The bottom line: Women may be evolutionarily predisposed to prefer sexually dominant partners, and cultural norms reinforce these tendencies.
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